Too Many Apps Open

My son caught me the other day.

He looked over my shoulder, shook his head, and said,

“Dad, you’ve got like forty apps open. No wonder your battery’s always dead.”

I laughed, but that line stuck to my ribs.

Because the truth is, my life feels like that most days.

A dozen projects open, messages half-replied to, new ideas flashing like notifications.

Everything buzzing for my attention.

It’s not that I don’t love what I do because I do.

But I’m starting to see that even passion has a cost if it’s not managed.

Like those apps, every open loop drains a little energy, even in the background.

And if I’m honest — and I’m trying to be more honest with myself lately —

I think I live on the bipolar spectrum somewhere.

I’ve had mixed diagnosis so I am not sure.

However, i can feel those swings between electric focus and total depletion.

I made the decision a few years ago that I’ll never take pharmaceuticals again.

They flattened me and muted everything that made me feel alive.

I wasn’t me anymore. I was a ghost moving through my own days.

Now I manage it differently.

I sleep. I rest. I try to listen when my body whispers instead of waiting for it to scream.

Because if I don’t, the manic energy sneaks in through the cracks

and suddenly it’s 3 a.m. and I’m reworking an idea that doesn’t need to be perfect,

chasing that next dopamine hit that always leaves me emptier when the sun comes up.

It’s wild how we all accept that our phones need to recharge,

but we act like we’re somehow exempt from that same law.

Andrew Huberman talks about “state management”

how focus, rest, and light exposure all play a role in regulating the nervous system.

Peter Attia digs into longevity, but really, he’s talking about energy management,

how every choice, from what we eat to when we sleep,

either adds or subtracts from the future version of ourselves.

So I’ve been experimenting.

Nothing fancy, but just small, steady things that help me stay charged.

I wake up and get sunlight in my eyes before I look at a screen.

It resets the circadian rhythm, Huberman says it tells your brain, “It’s morning, let’s go.”

I stop drinking caffeine after noon (I still slip sometimes).

Attia says caffeine’s half-life is around six hours,

so that late espresso? It’s still in your blood when you’re trying to sleep.

I’ve also started tracking my sleep and my scores are really good when I go to bed at the same time and am in bed for at least 8 hours.

Because I’ve realized that one missed night can snowball fast for me.

Manic energy feeds on exhaustion.

I’m not chasing optimization.

I’m chasing sustainability.

A clear mind. A body that feels steady. A nervous system that trusts me again.

Because sometimes what looks like productivity

is actually just overstimulation with good branding.

It’s not noble to run on fumes. It’s just bad energy management.

So lately, I’ve been trying to close a few apps.

To treat my brain like my phone.

Only open the things I’m actually using.

Let the others rest.

I’m not saying I’ve figured it out.

I still have those days where I push past exhaustion and call it “drive.”

But I’m learning that peace, real peace,

might be less about adding new habits

and more about shutting down the ones running in the background.

Because maybe the goal isn’t to live at full brightness.

Maybe it’s to stay charged enough to love the people right in front of us,

especially the ones who remind us when our battery’s dying.